I am trying to encourage a relationship between him and kids. He was livid and proceeded to tell me he was done, thats it etc. But he finds out soon. I see very little on discussion boards about gay male narcissists, but they are also out there. He also had dozens of hobbies and it changes every 6-12 months. So, he probably has no intentions of moving in with her, it is all a ploy to keep me guessing, right?? Even when things are good you feel like you are standing on quicksand. I see signs that I never would have recognized before my own experience. He wanted just me etc. Only those who have been there can understand, even among the professional therapists. He said basically, youre describing a sociopath; Im not a liar and Im not crazy. Why do narcissists seek contact with the ex I just ignore it. Thats the last thing anyone needsincluding him! Just recollect all the bitter memories with them before reconciling. The only value this guy must have is that he hasnt called her out yet and she is manipulating him more than she was able to manipulate you! As far as I last knew, she had been with her new BF for nearly a year now, and may have moved in with him so he would be the current supply, unless she found new supply. Often, in the process of self-discovery, we learn enough about ourselves to stop attracting and/or desiring people who are black holes. She says the ex was just at her house and wanted to know if I still lived here because hes been calling and Im not answering my phone. I just unearthed his hand written letters from when we first started dating in college. I doubt it seriously, but thanks for the input. I dont deny that here were good and very bad times. I get it. As far as I know she is still with the new BF who she has now been with for going on one year. Wow this letter sounds like my soon to be X, Kevin! This whole crap about us teaching others how to treat us is bogus and only applies to people who dont carry around a moral compass of their own. He tried to act as if I was off my rocker and tried to explain what was wrong with ME for thinking and saying such slanderous and horrible things. I just wish it was easier for me to understand her intentions. Matt, I obviously dont know you personally but I can guarantee you one thingI WOULD NEVER TREAT YOU LIKE THAT. The longer you stay no contact, the likelier. and they know exactly what they are doing they know right from wrong, good from bad I was used & abused verbally & emotionally to the point of Total EXHAUSTION without realising until months after he discarded me like a used dirty tissue If it werent for the baby inside me I may have done just that. Reflecting After Divorce: Maybe I Was The Narcissist & Not My Ex After my divorce, I played the victim while telling myself that my ex was a narcissist. Or does he think this well work out for him in the long run? You and your children could be in grave danger. Hi Carole. Stay strong and thank you all for the advise. Feels like I am hitting the bottom also and I am struggling. Most friends dont understand that i came back over and over again. These Narcs hold power over you only if you let them. I forget everything. And time is passing. However she had a mean streak in her. But think i have to be hounest to help other codependend. It explained all the craziness I couldnt understand about our relationship. {{HUGS}}, I have been with a narc or sociopath, I am still learning the subtlety of personality disorders. 3 years takes my money my water bill is due and I have no way to pay it and he knows I can afford and reconnect fee. But we are on to him now. Sometimes I feel really light when I remember I am free from all the bullshit. If shes a really good friend, you may want to tell her about your experience and explain to her what your Narc was like. Never wanting to own any accountability for their behavior, and, always blaming others for their shortcomings. He was a 6 4 gym freak who made her feel safe and laugh until it hurt. My story is a little different I THINK. Gotta be honest, sounds like the same line of bologna that Narcs learn in their secret society. I was, am, the scapegoat. I even feel sad still sometimes when I think of how much I loved him and what I lost. You have to think about what you will get out of being friends. What woman would fall for that coming from a married man with two small children?? Nothing happened. They are a threat to are well being and we have to keep them away from us although we still love them in their brokenness. Mine even told me he was a COWARD, said he hadnt been a very good partner to me, shouldnt have said this or done that I also have a special needs child and my ex is telling her that i am an alcoholic which of course is not true, but see similarities, so she thinks she needs to protect him because she is fighting her demons and he has triangulated her, the perfect target, she can try attack me which comes from her issues and he gets off on that. Always playing the victim card. Shes left again and Ive not heard from her in over a week. [] Narcissists must have a source of supply for their survival. Should I be concerned for my safety? Minimal contact, short, unemotional responses. Seven months later. The pendulum. Just now I received a call from the x about our daughter and school. It is rarer, but it might even happen when you escape our clutches, instigate no contact as best you can but you expect a hoover to happen because he knows where you live or she works near to where you work. He said he gets bored easily.. Anyone they hang out with is simply so they can show off in front of them in order to maintain the false image they want others to have of who they are. That was a month ago. I needed support for the situation with my mother. So interesting to read everyones stories. Little did I know his ex was a codependent strung along for nearly a decade. Are these guys just everywhere?? Well, his reaction was golden. Mine apologized for the first time in five years when she realized I wasnt coming back. I do all that. They are Masters at the art of manipulation. From that point on things seemed to degrade (i.e. We must find a way to give it to ourselves. Hell and back was to where I travelled and it almost killed me. The new supply doesnt know the narcissists agenda and will go along with whatever the narcissist asks of them. It surprised me, thought she was married to the guy she lives with. When a day goes by that I barely think of him, Im shocked and buoyed by the thought that I am getting closer to being over himbut then I will dream of him. But the higher i fly the deeper and harder i fall. Sever the ties! A narcissist might feel that they are losing control of the situation and this may lead them to demand their partners to never contact them again. Even when you know what you should do, doesnt always make it easy. He was verbally abusive during big fights, which happened rarely, and increased towards the end. He even wanted to be close friends with his ex-wife who happened to remarried. Accepting him as a friend too soon confused me about my new relationship and caused me angst. I am probably right! Respect yourself and go no contact . He would never acknowlegde my beautifull aspects of my as a person. Hi Kim The first time we have no contact for such a long time. I kept going back to my feelings and not seeing the reality of what happened to me. I said nope, I will not give you that satisfaction. To take someone in your live just to feel not alone. Especially because your son is involved. No one can ever take that, Hold your head up high I want to have a loving partner and its making me self sabotage in ways that I cant even explain. I just been able to come out of my house in months and hes playing mind games while I take the high road. Not many people know what Narcissists are. I was just so proud of myself that i managed to get my live back on track. When he gives me the old lets meet for dinner line I tell him yea when I free up. -Responding positively to their partners mirroring Also understand that is very easy from the outside looking in that she is a terrible catch, and why would I be attracted to someone like that. As I said the last time we spoke, I am here for you if you want to talk to me and have some positive things to say. Now because i feel humiliated i send three long emails to him. The torment they endure from narcassism couples with the strength of a very patriarchal religion, you have no idea! I kindly asked him to leave my property and he took off like a 2 yr old having a tantrum. I let him in my home he changed over night became verbally abusive controlling manipulating . He will never let me talk badly about myself ie if I say something about my part in our break up. Pretty silly aspirations huh!? Different narcissists react differently. I tried to raise issues I had with the relationship (i.e. Hi CJ, he sounds like a Narc I dated a few years ago. Lol I love your description of the jealousy with the overweight woman who glares at you!????? Yours might just slither away to the next supply. Lose the Loser! IF its true, and that is a BIG IF, she may just stroke his emotional ego sooo much that he doesnt care. throwing his best friend up in my face how she was loyal to him . Well, the check never came, and she proceeded to ignore my text/calls and then blocked me from her facebook page. Ran into him and his dog and he said Hi Becky, stopped and looked pensive as too who was on the beach. Suing her for $43,000. Now her and I are friends and I found out these were peace offerings so that he wouldnt pull his nasty games with her. (Do Narcissists Have Friends? I also fell for his creativity and intellect. I went from the frying pan to the fire!! Prior to discovery after fights, he would seem truly remorseful and we wouldnt split up. But well, you know, we talk to people as we talk to ourselves. I understand where you are coming from, Andy. I dated a true narcissistic woman years before her, and this person hurt me as well, but she was easier to see coming and her meanness made her easier for me to get over her. I wouldnt say he destroyed my faith in love, but he definitely shook it and Im even a more guarded gay man now (as if so many of us arent guarded and insecure enough). Two types of BPD: 1. genuinely dont mean it, but cannot stop. [] 3) Hoovering Hoovering presents in many forms. And i know in my mind what i SHOULD think say and feel. Hate that dark weather. Believe me, since she is not diagnosed, it has been hard for me to pinpoint just what her disorder is. Cheers! We want our Narcissist ex to be miserable. He was also very sexual with me yet his girlfriend said they have not had sex yet in 7 months (that comes from her own issues). I think its time for total no contact! Any advice is appreciated. They would lash out, stalk me, show extreme jealousy, etc. well, i guess i still have a lot to learn! I know its an addiction rather than love. I think I triggered something during my visit that was seen as critical of him. Once we begin to really and truly love ourselves, we come to realize that what they did to us was unacceptable. Which is dumb, but I still find myself wondering. As well, I needed money and my ex boyfriend asked his friend to sell My old car 7 weeks ago but nothing is happeningand I have not seen my car back nor moneywhat are my options? But he did not react. I believe you are a very special and beautiful woman, and believe it or not, I really do care a lot about you. If he comes to my door, Im not answering. I am creeving a lost dream. We broke up 9 months ago and it has taken this long to get him out of my system to the point where I can have a normal life. He does recognize there is a problem with his lack of empathy and admitted to me he fakes that emotion a lot. They worked together, worked out together text upon waking and until it was time for bed. I was just done. And even tho I know WHY it hurts so much that he doesnt understand how he has hurt me. He cant put up with that. I moved to dayton , ohio met a narcassist named quan i am a widow he sought me out . I think why I am asking this , is because he used to accuse me of overreacting all the time and being clingy. Stay strong and stay No Contact. I am in no way shape or form insinuating that women narcs/borderlines are worse than male narcs. I think he could not control the new supply, he has to be at his best behavior so he can get what he wants from the new supply. Do not be lured by a narcissist once you break up with them. Acting as if the world revolves only around them. Yes, I adored her. To make sure you know that her behavior had NOTHING to do with you. Like he was punishing me KNOWING I didnt feel loved without physical expression on a regular basis. Sad, but true. So because i have no friends it is a good thing to have him just as a friend. Totally cut her off..dropped her like a hot potato. Reflecting After Divorce: Maybe I Should I call him, meet with him. I caution all men that it is fun to have a beauty on your arm but at what cost. What about over one or two years. Unlike alot of other stories Ive read; he treated me pretty well for the 2 years we were together. (Yeah, thats truesick f*ck that he is.) The happy times we shared were almost spiritual in nature. And now travel back in time almost 17 years Wed known each other three years, but had only been dating for six weeks at this point, as he first had a string of others he labeled everything from bipolar nymphomaniacs to bisexual stalkers. And they then have the audacity to comment that you have caused irreparable damage during the relationship! I know what it is. When you leave you gain a great gift. He had two giant hickies on his neck, told me some girl bit him and he pushed her away and she did it on the other side and he eventually told her to F off. I still find myself missing her quite often, but I dont want to make it look like I am trying to give this woman credit by any means. When meeting a new prospect, Id suggest the three strikes rule. Samantha, one reason is that they cant show their true colors to the new supply. Why torture yourself reading her posts and seeing photos of her with this other guy. The only reason I have any kind of contact with him is enough time has passed, I know he tried, he still makes me laugh, he admits he fits the Narcissist label, he is respectful to me and he treated me very well in between his Narc episodes. Be thankful you are out. It is tough. And a few happy moments is not worth the price you have to pay. So i have got to stay strong. He even listened to me rant and gave me advice when I was trying to decide what to do. To her I am just a needy ex which I am sure she is telling all her friends and family. Even if you are bisexual and had a relationship with both a male and a female narc and that is why you feel you can compare the damage the woman did to you as worse than what the man did to you, it still doesnt seem fair to say that all women narcs are worse than male narcs and therefore men suffer more damage than woman. Good bye Danny, [] They are control freaks. I tell him he needs to explore why. When i have had a daughter it would break my heart when she lives here life besides a N. As an extension of this SuperGod.. Where my precious daughter with so much giving love and trying. And looking at him as third party real cemented the pitiful character he is. Thanks for this particular blog, it was great to read the notes and letters from the individual in question of this life behavior. I only mention this in order to highlight the fact that everything he claimed to love about me and find in common with himself are now the things he hates and denigrates. My question, I guess, is can my narc actually be a friend? Regarding your FB pics, you could try marking them as spam and then consider removing him as a friend if you havent already. Then he called me. My narc always told me it was in the house and even offered help to find. I found him again on dating websites, 3 profiles on POF different ages, different names. He said he wants to try dating and see if we work that way and live apart, because if he moves in and it doesnt and then moves out again itll be hard on kids etc. Why all those lies in the shop?. I see the light now..it is NOT MY FAULT I did NOTHING wrong.I offered him quality help and a place to live and provided everything while he contributed absolutely NOTHING emotionally or financially to the relationship. He is now living in a caravan park with her and her daughter. -Condescending attitude toward partner, condescending tone In September of last year and six months after disappearing he sent me an e-mail saying he was happy for me, alluding to being disappointed by Paris, saying that I should come see him if I was hesitating on my return to Australia. I recently divorced one after 20 years (I met him when I was 13 and divorced after ten years of marriage) and getting into another relationship that was the same..only Im 30 weeks pregnant. It took a long time for me to stop being in love with my Ex. My heart is holding on for dear life, even tho I dont want to! Youre already at rock bottom so this is the perfect time to start. Thank you for your kind comment. sent me a love song via email. its all so very sad. No, Hes Not Happier with Her: Do You Want Scientific Proof? He hasnt done anything horrible to her yet that I know of, but she doesnt seem as happy as she did at first nor does she have that glow that people who are in love usually have especially in the beginning of a new relationship. Firstly, it is essential to understand that narcissists might have difficulty maintaining healthy relationships. settlement, yet he does not have a solicitor. I am slowly coming back to me..so if there is a guy with initials jfp from monroe county ..give him a very wide berth.. Im wondering if now the ex might start trying to contact me for real to try to rope me back in; Ive just started getting myself together and although i still wake up every morning with panic attacks, I just want my life back before i met ths fake person. She has a bad cocaine problem, and yes I suppose I did try to control that and get her into rehab. Thank you also Eden. I met this wonderful woman who rocked my world we we both 29. He would have cleaned out my bank account, taken everything I had if I didnt wake up and start questioning and realizing finally it wasnt me. Im sure the new girl has questioned him about this and of course they can spin it to look like you were the b-tch all along or that you are jealous of his new love but one day she will see the truth and my guess is she has already and will be adding 2 and 2. They need to abandon first. No means no and thats what she has violated a lot of timesacting like a 10 year oldseeking revenge and such etc.. All to cover deep insecurities and traumas. What do you think his next move will be. He was cool and calm and thought he was in control until I declined his offer with certainty. Whole nights and days defastated. I say this because my ex was an undiagnosed BPD. Leave them and never ever go back. She also signed a deed of trust two months before we split. So empty. So, the satellite and internet services were in his name, when he left, I expected him to have it shut off especially since he left, he moved his new supply into a new house and the satellite tv company sent a email to our online account verifying the work order to install cable in their new house. Thing is my ex was meant to be picking kids up and the end of our street but hes been pulling up outside our home for them and when he does he says things like whats for tea, you want me to come back over tonight dont you , smile Im only joking hell say. The one who really understands him. All I can hope for w/ my NPD/BPD is that Life serves him a cold dish of karma, and perhaps a nice swift kick right where he needs it, so the he wont be so obsessed w/ funstuff, or play a person like a toy for a long, long whileand I hope Ill be around to hear about it. WebAnswer (1 of 7): Indeed. Did not hear from him for a view days. Unlike your ex, mine doesnt cop to anything hes done. Yes, that is what happened! Kim, Ive been reading your emails and writings for about a year. YOUR ABUSIVE. He actually told me, She is the total opposite of youshe is sooo nice, laid back, and she adores and worships me! Now, this is from a man who always made fun of me for being TOO nice and TOO laid back! He also used someone elses phone number, which I looked up on googlemaps to see the location cause I dont answer numbers I dont recognize. Domestic violence unit contacted me the next day and said that they believed me and told me to get an emergency protection order and he feels my ex is more passive aggressive and gets off on reactions, that he would manipulate from the outside. The love letter hit hard because I know it is true, but it hurts so very much. We do that subconsciously in order to correct the unworthy feelings we had as a child, but only, that never happens with a narcissist. I need to regain myself esteem, stop thinking everything i do is for her, never good enough ext. She would constantly leave me, make me beg, then come back promising me the world and how I was the love of her life she wanted to get married, have babies etc. . I married an alcoholic whom didnt stay in recovery. Thank you for stopping by and for sharing your experience. Hurting you makes her feel better. Being in his presence makes me feel sick to my stomach even after all this time!! Is this typical N behavior? Type 2: they manipulate knowingly and enjoy it. Regarding wanting to have an adult conversation and end things maturely, that typically doesnt happen. (Avoid These), 10+ Deposition Questions for Narcissists During a Custody Battle, What Happens When Two Narcissists Fight? I said to see the kids? I meant that sometimes really nice, trusting people lack adequate boundaries. Victims often believe that when the narcissist comes back after months, its because theyre in love. So dear friend I understand how difficult when it appears to the rest of the world that you have a great partner and marriage when you know the reality of it all. His woman whisperer persona was how he manipulated women he had by now been fired from his job and he and Kym were arguing and he wanted to move back in with me. I know for sure that that moments are real. my relative is 11, I watched her growing, very loving family, but she was born with the disorder, no PTSD etc, their basement is an animal graveyard, stealing, verbal sadism, physical sadism towards other children, keeps distance from adults who dont take her pity me stories, manipulates fights between the parents, since at least, 8, etc. I would surely lose a battle like that in court, regardless of that shes lying. What was I suppose to do? Weve both defriended him on all our social networks. So many things about human behavior have come into sharp focus for me, and it caused me to take a major step back before proceeding to date others. Trust yourself and all the beautiful emotions that you have regained after breaking up with a narcissist. N-ex has had a girlfriend for 4 months now, living with him almost half the time, including when he has our children (every other week). Because he is busy with himself going out do his thing. He waited another two months and begged me to call. You are doing great service work in this area and you should be proud of how many people you help and inspire every day. . I was upset and I confronted him. I might have posted this before, but my brain is not quite right these days. He texts me last night angry and drunk (super attractive that is lol) and I responded one time, quite rudely, and then blocked the bastards number and went to sleep. I know if he hadnt come along I would have gone back for more. which of course now everything makes sense to me. Went shopping what i ussualy do with him. Even if she wanted to talk to me, I doubt she would since she owes me so much money. He wouldnt say it, I would just read that because that is what hes saying. Other then that we were alright. How is that possible!? Perhaps you hadnt heard from them in ages, and suddenly the narcissist comes back after months? We were like best friends. And repeat what you have already said if you feel you have to reply. Youd love it. The never meeting his family or friends The half truths.. Just sending you my hugs and hope that things will get better. But i dont want to rush in to an other relationship still mourning him. I am atractive when i look strong. for starters you will soon realize what you need to do for yourself to heal. Now all of a sudden, its not mine. It honestly blows my mind how charming he can be when he wants, yet so hurtful and destructive when he wants. He started popping pain pills right after the third year. Therefore, it is best to maintain minimal contact with them, if possible, and seek support from friends, family, or mental health professionals. I say, yes, why? Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Its simply to make you doubt your judgment and make you wonder about your behaviors, which conveniently changes your focus from what HES doing. My ex was a fullfledged NARC to the tee. Just a note to say, hi, and pray you are doing okYou have been on my heart over the past couple of weeks, so I felt like I needed to reach out, now that some time has passed since we last spoke. The only other option is that he is a Narc or Psycho who is playing her worse than she is playing him, LOL. A man who gets what he wants in life by exploiting othersit wasnt only me, he does that to everyone who is close to him. So, Im not delusional. I stricktly wrote him never never to contact me again. Knowledge is power and when I confronted him and told him I had figured him out and listed his Narc traits, he was blown away and I actually think that he is afraid of me now. I told to myself by Reading all those storys here i will never let him get to me like that and now he haves his way again.
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