She feels I dont care about her. Hi Kelly, we cant tell you what to do here based on one comment, as it seems pretty clear to us that there is a lot more going on here than what you are explaining. But understand that committing to a person and always liking a person are not the same thing. Sex can be infused with an unhealthy agenda, whether its compulsive sex, angry sex, needy sex or simply a desperate desire to fill a void. I know if we can get passed this, we will be fine. Women arent attracted to needy men. Malachy Lynam As for figuring out what is wrong with you, wed say dont forget to figure out what is right with you. The worst part was he refused to apologize to me even though hed been in the wrong. We recommend you read our article on coercive control http://bit.ly/coercivecontrolht. But if shes not showing you much of anything, then something has changed in her feelings for you. We could be wrong, but it also feels as if you are seeking who to blame, you or her. Because, if she was really committed to the relationship, shed probably want to spend quality time with you. All rights reserved. My most recent episode I accused the man I have been seeing for over a year of just wanting me for my body. We dont get to this point in relationships over just one casual comment. Get the tissues ready. On top of that he would not give me our baby to breast feed and insisted on continuing to give him the formula out of stubbornness. I'm willing to say or do anything just to make her stop talking well I guess we have a communication issue too, I didn't realize it until I wrote it down interesting. And truth be told, relationships only flourish when spending enough quality time together. New findings on male and female desire, kissing, and orgasm. Narcissistic personality disorder evolves as a multi-factorial process. Thanks! The first thing you need to do is to have a heart-to-heart talk with her. Emotionally Unavailable: Meaning, 18 Signs, FAQs - Women's Health I can see that I might come across as unaffectionate (Im not the most visibly emotional of people), but I spend time with her whenever Ihave a break from revision and we go out for a meal whenever we can afford to. You mention low self esteem, have you considered counselling? It means she would rather spend time with other people and do other things that dont include you. Not everyone is made to be together. I feel like we both have a lot of individual growing to do (especially because we're both so young) for the relationship to work out but I don't know if she could do this without me by her side. Best, HT. Ultimately, I feel trapped, because otherwise she's amazing and we get along. Don't know what kind of advice I'm seeking here. July 7, 2023, 2:00 pm, by We seek posts from users who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can help them try to solve. City of London Now many things get filtered thru the assumptions. My girlfriend has tendency to question everything I say or do, from my relationship with my friends, to my coworkers and even cousins. If your girlfriend isn't talking about what she wants to do in the future, then this is a major warning sign. If the situation is already too far gone, then try to find out why she feels this way. Your email address will not be published. To forgive a pun, it becomes a true hardship. I consulted her and she was like we are in a relationship of so much assumptions and that real issues are not addressed . All rights reserved. In general, women arent as simple as men. 19 Ways to Tell If You Expect Too Much From Your Partner Thanks for a good article. It shows that she only cares about herself and she doesnt truly care about you. Best, HT. What it is: When one person has a simple criticism or complaint and blackmails the other person by threatening the commitment of the relationship as a whole. Monday Friday 8am-8pm My (24M) girlfriend (26F) always assumes the worst, questions everything I do and I'm afraid it's starting to manifest Second post ever here, so briefly. On her lunch break, I get texts, and every day after I come home from work (12 hours since we've seen each other, at most), I get a flurry of "I missed you, did you miss me?". I think that I will share this article with him and see if it will open up the lines of communication. If shes acting cold towards you then she isnt feeling connected to you anymore. Lets go over 5 actions you can take to rekindle the relationship with your girlfriend. She rebuffs my attempts to help and I think we're having a communication breakdown where I'm afraid to bring up certain topics in order to avoid the "everything is horrible" tirade or crying session! Even when I express my honest feeling on various matters, he chooses to believe his assumptions, versus taking my word. However, one issue seems to crop up again and again. To good to be true! Reddit, Inc. 2023. TL;DR I am a 30 year old man, with an 18 year old girlfriend, and everyone I know is giving me shit for it. In the highly eroticized magic of a new relationship, sex can happen whenever you meet. Just today, I felt ill waking up, he wanted to have sex, I didnt want to speak because I felt nauseous, rested my hand on my head. For example, you arent saying what is was you asked him about, the thing he wasnt thinking about. He is always ready to take flight when he feels or thinks that something might happen or go wrong. Do you have any suggestions? New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Many failed narcissists struggle with unregulated self-esteem and desperately need external validation. At this time, you should try to manage your emotions, even if you think that the thing your partner is worried about seems minor to you. While the act itself may be gratifying, there is no substitute for dealing with whats bothering you. It's the frequency with which she says "I Love You". Would it have been better if I merely asked him can you express to me what all is on your plate/mind?. This didnt effect my dating life much. If she constantly uses the word I instead of we then it might show that she doesnt see a future with you in it. Trust, affection, intimacy and openness was never established again, and neither of us could relax, as my feelings of not being good enough created anxiety. Is Planned Sex Just as Good as Spontaneous Encounters? Mark Banschick, M.D., is a psychiatrist and the author of The Intelligent Divorce book series. And make it clear that the other person is not necessarily responsible or obligated to them but that youd love to have their support. What it is: Any time a major conflict or issue comes up in the relationship, instead of solving it, one covers it up with the excitement and good feelings that come with buying something nice or going on a trip somewhere. So what can you do about it? Not only does this give the woman unconscious incentive to find more reasons to be upset with the man, but it also gives the man absolutely no incentive to actually be accountable for the problems in the relationship. Our free, fast, and fun briefing on the global economy, delivered every weekday morning. The problem is my son hears our arguments and this makes me feel bad. Maybe she is chatting up guys on messenger apps. July 7, 2023, 11:58 am, by Hi Jim, our question is more along the lines of, what is it about this relationship that is working and makes you think marriage is the right way forward? What facts do I have to prove this thought is true? If both people in the relationship do this it devolves into what I call the relationship scorecard, where it becomes a battle to see who has screwed up the most over the months or years, and therefore who owes the other one more. A lot of relationships fall apart because there is no point or no reason for the relationship anymore. They also think that i cant possibly care about a girl so young for the right reasons either. To get pleasure in your partner's pleasure while feeling pleasure yourselfwell, that's a good thing that's gone great. Cookie Notice So the most frequently uttered word by my girlfriend is "sorry." She often says things like, "I'm sorry, am I annoying you? But how can you understand the signs of physical attraction? What to say to a coworker who is grieving, How talking to strangers can make you more creative. Reddit, Inc. 2023. These sorts of accusations and lies are common control tactics. [Not sure what a healthy relationship even is? For most of us, sex is a good thing. This article has been very insightful. and that this might be a lot of tensions from other things getting projected onto sex, which happens, as sex can feel a safer thing to fight/complain about than other things. We also sense that this is beyond your control, and the source of great shame for you. and our Although I found out by a couple of his exs only cause we all have a child from this man that he was the one that had cheated on his exs. Hi Michelle, we see a lot of red flags here. Answer: Hi they is close up answer here because it also depend what kind of power you talking about for example dominance,outsmart you,or she opposes all your suggestions well it could be all of these or the few well what i can tell is that try to invest in yourself what do i mean by that,remenbe. Somnophilia is a sexual interest that involves deriving arousal from having sex with a person who is sleeping. We now have barely seen each other the whole week. If your girlfriend doesnt feel connected to you, then she wont want to make any effort to show how much she cares about you. And it got them real far: a big fat divorce and 15 years of hardly speaking to each other since. Well help you figure out whats going on with your girlfriend. We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. I can leave you alone." I often have no idea why she's saying this. I keep trying to reassure her there is no real problem but I cant get thru. Or is this REALLY obnoxious? Find her @am_darcy. And assumptions in relationships can be particularly destructive, wreaking havoc in both your work, home, and social lives. So if your girlfriend is losing interest in you, then its likely that shes not so keen to make an effort with her appearance anymore. Read our Guide to Good Relationships.]. And even if its just dysregulation or other things, these are therapies that would directly deal with your issues http://bit.ly/BPDtreatment. But the fact that she embarrassed you in 2010 and now she got sad and ignored you today in 2013 have nothing to do with each other, so dont bring it up. Archived post. Theres nothing wrong with doing nice things for a significant other after a fight to show solidarity and to reaffirm commitment. For example: If I'm late from work (because I had more stuff to do - it happens every now and then, and it's part of the job, I'm expected to stay longer if there's work to be done - and it's considered paid overtime, so I'm not being taken advantage of here) she'll be antsy and annoyed that she had to spend an "entire hour" waiting for me. Just to be clear, relationships are not about winning, they are about being in it together. Me (18M) and my girlfriend (17F) have been together for nearly 9 months and it's getting a bit hard. Thus, our partners are often seen as assets rather than someone to share mutual emotional support. I can accurately predict when she will say it to me by the tone in her voice leading up to it and the fact that it's been more than 30 seconds since she last said it. Now Im left alone trying to figure out whats wrong with me before I can move on. I want to make her feel better about herself, I offered to help financially to get treatments or therapy but even if she agrees (about skin care, she refuses to see a problem about the way she communicates) she never follows through. Assuming you know how someone else thinks and feels never works because you are seeing things from your unique perspective and value system, which are rarely the same as the other persons. But part of the problem is that many unhealthy relationship habits are baked into our culture. Most men have enough self-respect not to put up with someone like that in their life. Assumptions in Relationships Are They Wrecking Everything? Even though nearly every time I say no, he gets a little grumpy and I have said before that I dislike sex in the morning, due to medical reasons. So make sure you have a date with your girlfriend where you talk about the future together. This is not a gender-specific problem, but I will use the traditional gendered situation as an example. lets call her Ally. The women ive always been attracted to have always been a bit on the younger side, but nothing illegal. Below are six of the most common tendencies in relationships that many couples think are healthy and normal, but are actually toxic and destroying everything you hold dear. She doesnt want to miss out on her life because of you. The dance of meeting the needs of another person adds spice and passion to a relationship. Well communication would be a good start! If I couldn't justify my boundaries intellectually, I couldn't have them. Scan this QR code to download the app now. Compulsive sex in its many permutations lacks satiation. In the end Ill never know. However, one issue seems to crop up again and again. The other day I woke up to my baby crying and went to offer my boyfriend help in feeding him. Robot Astrologer When a woman spends more time with her man, even if its to do things that she doesnt enjoy, then it shows that she thinks you are special. She may want to be held, or stroked or talked to. We both still love one another and miss one another, but he can not get over assuming the worse. I'd preface my post by also mentioning she has a troubled past and has severe trust issues. Enter your account data and we will send you a link to reset your password. I believe he was cheating on me but hey thats my assumption and Im not going to dwell on it. He called me many nasty names after I told him it was over and said he knew I was cheating and that Im white trash and hell come for me if hes got an std! In summary, you cant do anything to change another person, that has to come from them. All rights reserved. Making assumptions is thus also a habit of those who have a fear of intimacy. If I tell her it's getting to be a bit much, she storms off on the verge of crying like I hate her. So, is it possible to have too much of a desire for sex? Why its toxic: Because it shows that you two are not comfortable communicating openly and clearly with one another. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. If you are on a low budget we have an article on how to find free to low cost support http://bit.ly/lowcosttherapy Best, HT. 2. Not only is this a sign that she doesnt have genuine feelings for you, but its also a sign that she may be trying to use you to get what she wants. She doesnt want to talk about it. But if it becomes an expectation that my life revolves around her emotional well-being at all times, then Im soon going to become very bitter and even manipulative towards her feelings and desires. Hi Jessica, there is no need to be embarrassed, the article is written for those of us who assume, and at some point or other that is all of us. [For more about what assumptions are and what you can do to stop them, read our connected piece, Why Assumptions Ruin Your Mood and How to Stop Making Them.]. Have a question about assumptions in relationships or want to share an experience? Read our, For the most part, you will be assuming you know. I can recognize it in hindsight but in the moment, it is as real as me typing right now. I know that these peoples opinions dont really matter in the end, I am just looking for some outside wisdom. Why You Need to Stop, Why Assumptions Ruin Your Mood and How to Stop Making Them, Londons top counsellors and psychotherapists, proven as effective as in-person counselling. the people here just look for a reason to tear a man down. When we love someone, we naturally want to express our feeling for them. After that, well discuss what you can do about it. Why its toxic: The relationship scorecard develops over time because one or both people in a relationship use past wrongdoings in order to try and justify current righteousness. Lets imagine that whenever a woman gets angry at her boyfriend/husband, the man solves the issue by buying the woman something nice, or taking her to a nice restaurant or something. If you know how to love, you know how to enjoy your partners enjoyment. You will be surprised at how good therapy can help you get back to where you want to be. Shell barely muster any enthusiasm when she spends with you. For more information, please see our We are only getting one part of the story here, so there might be other really great components. Click here for instructions on how to enable JavaScript in your browser. Can there be too much of a drive for sex with your partner? Archived post. And for most of us, mom and dad surely werent the best examples either. This is clearly a sign that she is losing genuine feelings for you, and your relationship is possibly toxic. Privacy Policy. For instance, if someone feels like youve been cold to them, instead of saying, I feel like youre being cold sometimes, they will say, I cant date someone who is cold to me all of the time.. In a study, women reported that their short-term sexual partners were more muscular than their other partners. Saturday & Sunday 9am-5pm, Harley Street I have purposely kept things nice and breezy. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. This blog is the project of Harley Therapy - Psychotherapy & Counselling. When leaving a message on this page, please be sensitive to the fact that you are responding to a real person in the grip of a real-life dilemma, who wrote to Private Lives asking for help, and may well view your comments here. If shes not contacting you anymore, or as frequently as she used to, then she obviously has less interest in you than she used to. I want to be there for her but I am not strong enough to carry us both. If your girlfriend is losing interest in you, then shes probably also losing interest in making sure that she looks attractive when shes with you. The trick is to enjoy the differences as well as the places of commonality. We recently had an argument in which she accused me of being indifferent towards her and said she felt I didnt care about her. I might die alone if I continue this but maybe someone who is dealing with an assumer can be objective and see that I do not mean to push away and I am not looking for sympathy from my partner it is a genuine fight or flight response that kicks in and it is not an attack on YOU more like a really bad and broken defense mechanism that needs some maturing. Wed say that it would be helpful to learn about healthy relating and communicating. When a woman isn't making you a priority, then this could be a warning sign that the relationship isn't quite what it should be. And assumptions in relationships can be particularly destructive, wreaking havoc in both your work, home, and social lives. Now, if your girlfriend is not making a single effort to contact you, then Im sorry to say, but she might be losing her love for you. You can just say no. Content is produced by editor and lead writer Andrea M Darcy, trained in person-centred counselling, and overseen by Dr Sheri Jacobson, retired BACP senior therapist & founder of London-based Harley Therapy Psychotherapy and Counselling as well as Harley Therapy Platform, a network of therapists across the UK. Something about Ally is different than the rest of the girls. Below are six of the most common tendencies in relationships that many couples think are healthy and normal, but are actually toxic and destroying everything you hold dear. Click here for instructions on how to enable JavaScript in your browser. How and what questions are more appropriate. She never wanted therapy during the relationship. "Sex addiction" is not a medical term. July 7, 2023, 6:00 pm, by Im really glad to find this blog talking directly about my current problem and i hope it does me good, We (the lady and i ) havent really been into dating but we have known affections for each other. your girlfriend is losing interest in you, youre not a huge priority in her life anymore, isnt showing any interest in your future plans, 9 warning signs that youre in a one-sided relationship, 6 tips for making a non-monogamous relationship work, If your girlfriend has no respect for you, 5 questions to ask that are more interesting than What do you do?, People who are good at reading others usually share these 18 traits, If youre a free spirit, you probably do these 12 things differently, If someone uses these 22 phrases, they have a pessimistic outlook on life, Non-monogamy and intimacy: Navigating boundaries for lasting love, If a man does these 9 things, he truly respects a woman, 17 signs your partner genuinely appreciates having you in their life. But if your girlfriend isnt showing you any affection or interest, then its likely that she doesnt feel the same way about you anymore. We worship romantic love you know, that dizzying and irrational romantic love that somehow finds breaking china plates on the wall in a fit of tears somewhat endearingand scoff at practicality or unconventional sexualities. If sex was good, it can often be good again. 15. What is Expressive Arts Therapy and Can it Help You? And if she isnt feeling connected to you, then she is likely feeling less love for you than she used to. Too much "I Love You"? Five Signs of an Extremely Insecure Girlfriend - Medium You dont want to come across as needy or dependent on her. Me on the other had would rather talk it out and work through our issue or concern. This can lead to a destructive addictive cycle in which you are compelled to get more, continue to be unsatisfied, and then want more again. If my girlfriend cannot trust me to be around other attractive women by myself, then it implies that she believes that Im either a) a liar, or b) incapable of controlling my impulses. They figure that if their partner wasnt jealous, then that would somehow mean that they werent loved by them. We are talking about getting more serious and, while I couldn't leave her over this, I also can't see myself spending the rest of my life being told the same thing over and over and over again. Its possible she wants to just stay friends and is afraid to say. For that one bad morning to have triggered you so much, child involved or not, means that there is more going on, both in the relationship and in yourself. Privacy Policy. It transmits a message of a lack of trust in the other person. In a healthy relationship, you support each other. How comfortable are you with not knowing how someone thinks/feels and letting people think/feel what they want without always taking it personally? So if she doesnt want to get make things work, then you need to find out why. If your girlfriend isnt willing to make a plan with you, then this might be a sign that shes not as invested in the relationship. Maybe I just needed to write things down and to vent a bit. But now, if she has lost feelings for you, then she probably doesnt get the same enjoyment out of those activities. For the longest time, i have actively avoided getting into a serious relationship. But thats OK, because that time you caught her sending flirtatious text messages to her co-worker immediately removes her right to get jealous, so its kind of even, right? Masquerading as facts, they see you making choices based on little more than good guesses. Thats a surefire sign that she no longer cares whether she is impressing you with her appearance or not. According to studies, sex strengthens the bond between partners, increasing their long-term relationship satisfaction. And then we would say that you need to seek support. When someone begins to get upset, all personal desires go out the window because it is now your responsibility to make one another feel better. If we assume we know what another person thinks or why they did what they did, they can feel judged, trapped, or like they are never given a chance. Assumptions are powerful little numbers. Talk about ways to restore those feelings of appreciation. In the self-help book called, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, John Gray explains, "When a woman is overwhelmed, she finds relief through talking in great detail about her various problems. 5. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. This wont really change anything, but it has given me a fresh perspective to why people are acting like dicks. Often a mans testosterone levels fall for unknown reasons, leading to reduced desire and poorer erections. Do you often get told to stop telling me what I think? Have people said to you, you are always putting words in my mouth? Reviewed by Jessica Schrader. Again, this shows that her feelings for you arent genuine. Why is it that everyone assumes that my girlfriend (18f) and I (30m Wed just add that its important to also take care of yourself in this situation. Considering that theyre experts in non-verbal behavior as well, Im sure those relationship coaches can help you understand whether theres any sign of physical attraction in your girlfriends behavior. When we do this, ask yes/no questions, and the person responds, then you have backed yourself into a corner, as they gave you an answer. 1. My (24M) girlfriend (26F) always assumes the worst, questions - Reddit Is there any way you could seek some counselling? I really don't seem to be able to talk to her about this. Perhaps youre worried that shes no longer interested in keeping the relationship going or pursuing a future with you. Statements like he is in the wrong show some unhealthy expectations and communication. Why its toxic: Its emotional blackmail and it creates tons of unnecessary drama. Alcohol: It Makes Sex Even More Complicated. She has an incredibly negative outlook on life and people. Because when a woman is unhappy in her relationship then she will seek out other people who will reinforce her negative feelings about the relationship. I'm 28m, she's 22f. This is obviously a red flag. The right question would be open ended. My girlfriend talks too much. Are These Communication Problems Ruining Your Relationships? The observation that men desire more sexual partners than women do is known as the "Coolidge effect.". Additionally, she has significant skin problems and is very self conscious about it. In a committed relationship, communication is a must. He said in a harsh tone, Why are you resting your hand on your ear? However, the reason it bothered me soo much is because I now have my boyfriend fighting with me over things he assumes Im going to do. London-based Harley Therapy Psychotherapy and Counselling, Harley Therapy - Psychotherapy & Counselling. If I ask why didn't she just do something else like read, study or play a game (something she always complains she has no time for) she gets even more agitated and says she can't focus while waiting for me yeah I know. Usually it's after she gets animated about something that interests or excites her. Typically, it occurs when a woman is trying to distance herself from her boyfriend and cut off contact with him completely later on. Your email address will not be published. My mind is just reeling! She's not always 'angry upset', sometimes she's 'sad upset' and she's either on the verge of tears or actually crying about how unfair everything is. So we are not surprised, in all honesty, if he doesnt want to talk, as he probably feels he will get blamed or yelled at instead of being listened to. 15 Types of Friends You Should Get Rid Of Immediately - Bustle Except she won't budge on this, and it makes me feel snuffed. She might even start withdrawing herself from you. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Did you perchance have a controlling parent? Have your own life and your own hobbies. Archived post. Someone feels ignored or unappreciated? Trust was broken? Where do you want to go? If your girlfriend spends too much time on her phone, then something might be up. If shes not willing to change its time to look at yourself, your own boundaries, levels of self-esteem, and what you actually want from life versus what you think you have to put up with. Gradually, if she feels she is being heard, her stress disappears.