New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Every man is going to feel that way about his woman at some point in time. Relationship Warning Signs: Who You Should Watch Out for These 10 It would be helpful to know how the OP had brought the topic up and what the boyfriend's response to the problem is--is this a situation where you brought the problem up and he responded "sorry, I know it bugs you but I find it really difficult to stop, so I'm not going to" or got defensive, or is this an issue where the OP gets frustrated and snaps that this is a pain in the ass and to STOP ASKING ALREADY? As we grew closer, the frequency of the question diminished. If you're not communicating your wants, needs and feelings with your words, your guy may start asking if everything is OK with your relationship. At best we can only influence a man. And I promise, if there is something wrong and I want to discuss, you'll be the first to know. I'm where I want to be and with who matters the most. and our I do this to my wife and I sometimes drive her up the wall. So it's exactly what the title says, my boyfriend keeps asking if I'm ok when I am perfectly fine! By the way, while youre at it, connect with me on social media. Privacy Policy. My (f25) boyfriend (m26) of 4 years always ask if I'm ok. First, he's wonderful. So here we are at his parents and he's constantly asking me if I'm ok. Of course I miss my mom, she was at the hospital every single constantly bugging me about relaxing without worrying about bills. 9 Signs you may be in a controlling relationship If you jump into hot water, your reaction might be to rush out of it. When you are too lazy, or too resistant to life to care about adding value back to a man, that is a problem. It bothers me Like Follow The One Perfect Thing to Say When A Man Says He Wants "Space" So why does he keep asking me if I'm alright? To be clear though, i don't think this is your problem to deal with and i think it's an, It sounds like this comes up in situations where you're acting like he's not in the room with you while you're in the middle of something. Boyfriend (23m) keeps asking me (23f) if I'm ok - Reddit Let us stop and think. In scenario A, He goes to the. However, in the end, your efforts are likely only hardening the hold OCD has on them. You can't really make other people do things, or stop doing things. Trust is a must in any healthy relationship, as the TeenHealth website points out. Not 5x a day, but I ask him "how are you doing?" If you choose to react by retaliating, then you dont get to improve the quality of your relationship. This is not a you problem. :) I think it will train him out of it pretty quickly. I have a lot going on these next few days. It only feels fake because youre not used to meeting a man on the same page. Is He Your Boyfriend? 9 Signs He's Committed to You After all, the secret to winning over a woman really is reading her mind or just being a decent person who thinks about others. It's pretty much up to them. I dont know any more if its just me overthinking that hes acting off because if I ask him if hes okay he just says yeah I am. I really look forward to reading your thoughts. And he will ask me if Im okay like every five minutes. If that is the case, then thank goodness hes giving you space. (And in this article Im about to share with you the ONE perfect thing to say to your boyfriend that will allow you to add value to him.). You are doing one high value, evolved thing: connecting with what HE wants. I am very much like this. It's a bit automatic and perfunctory, like meeting an acquaintance in the street, and has the effect of dissuading me from asking all the time. I just want to go about my normal activities and feel my normal range of emotions without having to be self-conscious about it. (But secretly, its also these opposites that attracted us to each other in the first place!). These different approaches don't need to be mutually exclusive. All posts copyright their original authors. You're in a relationship with a great. Even IF you do not fully understand where he is at, it does not matter. They threaten to break up with you all the time. There are 7 common signs a woman is perceived as low value to all men, because men simply perceive value differently to women. The key is that you remain in a state where you care enough to connect. I miss spending time with my mom, dad, and brother & sister. He depended on my income to help with my expenses. And I came out the other side only to feel more chained to my fears, more resentful and less esteemed.). By clicking Accept All Cookies, you agree to the storing of cookies on your device to enhance site navigation, analyze site usage, and assist in our marketing efforts. Therefore there is no heart or depth of connection in the relationship with a woman who is not connected to life. In his case, it didn't signal unusual insecurity or extraversion: I'm just quiet and hard to read, so he used his words. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. My (f25) boyfriend (m26) of 4 years always ask if I'm ok. First, he's wonderful. Dont get me wrong, women need space too men can definitely be smothering to a woman; making her want to ask him to give her space. This is due their hugely different motivations that stem from evolution and biology. While this still represents a compulsion, it reduces distress within the family and improves relationships with others. I grew up in a hair trigger, verbally/emotionally abusive environment, and, yeah, I really like knowing ahead of time if I need to GTFO of the way before Something Bad Happens (what jamaro said). Because for millions of years, women have been vulnerable enough just by being women. (and to be clear, being expected to perform cheeriness or constantly reassure someone would grate on me too.) Because he always constantly asks me even if I look away from him because I gotta blink or something . 'Pure O': An Overview of Pure Obsessional OCD, How to Recognize Signs of OCD in Children, OCD Subtypes: Types of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Identifying and Coping With Relationship OCD. What it is: Getting pissed off when your partner talks, touches, calls, texts, hangs out, or sneezes in the general vicinity of another person and then you . Cookie Notice Heres a comprehensive guide on Why Men Pull Away and How to Deal With It. And thats okay. What matters is that what you say, adds value to him. What other reasons might my boyfriend want space? TeensHealth: How Can I Improve My Self-Esteem. Whether you have any intention of cheating or it's all in his mind, he may continuously ask you if you're OK or if your relationship is OK. These simple factors can influence the natural feeling that men and women have about each other in long-term relationships. Instead, he's ignoring them, and doesn't seem to even be attempting to adapt to them. 1 for everything is fine; the higher the number, the more distress. So, in giving you this one perfect thing to say, it is just a starting point to get you on the high road. Reddit, Inc. 2023. After washing her hands, she will often ask a friend, or even a stranger if her anxiety is high enough, whether her hands look clean or whether she should be worried about contracting an illness. Classroom is the educational resource for people of all ages. It honestly feels like he is trying to tell me how I am feeling, when Im just chilling. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. Reddit, Inc. 2023. Are you in the wrong? CLICK HERE to see what we offer right now. If your guy doesn't trust you, or he suspects that you don't trust him, he may ask if everything is OK. For example, if your boyfriend interprets the texts that your chem partner -- your male chem partner, that is -- sends you as romantic in nature, he may lose some trust in your ability to remain faithful to him. There are constant "if-onlys." Whether it is you, your partner, or both of you having these thoughts, it's a bad sign if there is always a sense that the relationship could be satisfying if. Does he really fret if you're not smiling. How most women respond to their boyfriend when he wants space, If you retaliate when he wants space, it doesnt improve your relationship quality, When your boyfriend wants space, choose the high road, Dont lose the opportunity to save a perfectly viable relationship. Would it be less annoying to you if it weren't those words, or if it weren't a distraction from what you're in the middle of? Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! Its OK (& Even attractive) for Women to Cry Any Damn Time. If your guy is coming onto you and you're not feeling it, don't feel like you have to pull out one of the . I am okay, I will let you know if that changes. But hes a words of affirmation love language guy so I have tried saying, Babe, I really am okay. We cannot control everything, and maybe that could be the lesson youre about to learn for yourself. So you have all the facts, I do have a chronic illness (a few actually, but one main one that disables me and does affect my thinking sometimes) But he's great. "It doesn't make a relationship intimate, it doesn't make it close, you don't get that warm feeling that someone has your back because it's always about what I'm getting." D.Shen If your boyfriend actively communicated to you that he wants space, and you respond from a place of fear, resentment, hatred, or even just feeling . See if you are sighing in these situations. My BF constantly asks if "I'm sure" about things that involve my personal opinion or decision. 1 Trust Issues Trust is a must in any healthy relationship, as the TeenHealth website points out. by Paul Hudson Updated: July 19, 2021 Originally Published: April 27, 2016 Guille Faingold. He might spin you some excuse like, "I'm never on Facebook anymore" but don't . (By the way, I want to teach you 5 secrets to having your man fall deeply in love with you and beg you to be his one and only. If Your Boyfriend Still Talks To His Ex, Here's What To Do However, with regards to men, even if you get hurt, rest assured that the hurt is not bigger than you. Eventually I said, "why do you keep asking that? Silly, but worked for us: the answer to the question is a number between 1 and 10. Owen Kelly, PhD, is a clinical psychologist, professor, and author in Ontario, ON, who specializes in anxiety and mood disorders. The anxiety of a man needing space. Ask MetaFilter is a question and answer site that covers nearly any question on earth, where members help each other solve problems. You've already mentioned it to him several times and he hasn't stopped somaybe he's not the guy for you. I said "of both of us?" If you dont truly believe that he intends to hurt you, then this is a whole other matter altogether. Could your man feel like you are taking too much? Boyfriend (23m) keeps asking me (23f) if I'm ok So it's exactly what the title says, my boyfriend keeps asking if I'm ok when I am perfectly fine! ), See how to stay high value when he pulls away. I bet it was at least 20 times not even exaggerating. Maybe this is due to some kind of anxiety-provoking background, but it seems like it's veering into controlling behavior territory based on this: I do this to my husband, though not quite as frequently as your boyfriend. When asking someone if they're OK, the other person may reflexively reply they're fine, which shuts the conversation down. If you would rather get revenge on a man who has generally treated you well, thats a problem. It's like he's hoping to keep his account private while dating you. If Your Boyfriend Does These 10 Things, He's In Love With You If you want to go deeper and have a world class understanding of men, then its important that you join our Understanding Men membership area). I can't give up my expectations of my partner in a relationship. He's opened my eyes to so much about my toxic family and helped me feel like I can breath when I'm with him. He may just want to feel empty instead of connected all the time, so he can connect with his masculinity and his own equilibrium again. :), internet fraud detective squad, station number 9, Help me survive BFE without too much misery. You may be wondering BUT what if hes trying to control you more by wanting space and pulling away? Thank goodness, because now you get to finally process everything enough to move forward in the way that is best for you. Hear what hes saying. Many women would much rather ensure that they always get the long end of the stick with men, simply because they are female. Try to say it with a true desire to be mature, high value and give to him. What Is Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)? Theres no fun for men in being in a relationship alone, with an unresponsive woman who is numb and untrusting. And that will make you the happiest in the long run. She has a Master of Science in applied developmental psychology from the University of Pittsburgh's School of Education. Often, mens goals and wants will be the complete opposite of what his woman wants. The first situation might indicate that there is a fundamental incompatibility here; the second one sounds like miscommunication being amplified by emotions. Simply because of biology. If he's just.around while you're doing mundane life tasks, perhaps you're seeing too much of each other. As someone who also has anxiety issues, I noticed she mostly did this when she felt anxious herself. In other words, he has had life stressors outside of your relationship together and he cannot cope with all of that plus your relationship at once. This is by no means a permanent thing. I'll be sure to let you know if I'm not okay.". You may be wondering.but what about a meltdown? You Only Hang Out Once A Week. He says that I bring negativity into our relationship a lot of the time. He's gotten me to the point of being better about it, through fostering a trusting environment (though we've had our hiccups, some pretty major). What Should You Do When Your Man Pulls Away? He said "No just of you I don't want to be in it." I asked him to stop asking. Although annoyed, her husband does not want her to feel anxious, so he does as asked and tells her everything is OK. Jake has sexual obsessions related to sexually assaulting a stranger. As the intelligent D.Shen once said, the least wonderful thing you can do for yourself and for a man, is to build a relationship based on power trips. Hm. Ive been there. Osborne DWS, Williams CJ. But it means that you need to take all those feelings and at least let yourself feel and process them. TeensHealth: Am I in a Healthy Relationship? My boyfriend wants us to start sexting and sending nudes because we can enough that I sometimes feel self-conscious about it. Do YOU want a photo?" It is a basic law of how humans work in relationships. When a man comes to you and he says I need some space, your most important response is to say Ok, I understand.. A boyfriend will put his arm around you occasionally. 9 Signs of a Controlling Partner - Psych Central Most times when I ask my boyfriend if he's okay he seems agitated. No doubt, if you cater to someone's excessive reassurance-seeking, your intentions are probably in the right place. What people feel the need to be reassured about varies, but there are often consistent themes for each individual. I ask my husband if he's okay because I want to make sure that I'M doing what I'm supposed to do, because it's easy for me to get wrapped up in other things (and he has a tendency to just not speak up about stuff, mostly because of growing up as the child of an alcoholic). This can be difficultfor everyone. Zhang has obsessions related to his spouse dying in an accident. Whether youre studying times tables or applying to college, Classroom has the answers. Published online August 4, 2020. doi:10.1007/s12144-020-00955-2, Haciomeroglu B. Scan this QR code to download the app now. Most people need reassurance once in a while, but people who have obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) tend to seek reassurance excessively. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Excessive reassurance-seeking. Why do you need constant reassurance? My32f BF31m constantly asks if "I'm sure". : r/relationships - Reddit When you want to extract value everywhere you go and you feel entitled to a mans resources just because you exist, that is a problem. P.S. Instead, it can indicate that he feels unsure about himself or is struggling to believe that you truly like him. It is lonely to be a taker. You essentially pre-emptively pull away to stay safe and comfortable. She was basically asking me, "Am I ok? So I have been dating my boyfriend for a little over 5 months. Every 30 seconds. My boyfriend said he wants space. Because scared. Your guy's constant questioning may have less to do with you than it does with how he feels about himself. A healthy relationship requires communication and rather than asking the internet how to make him less annoying, try talking to him instead. A serious indiscretion can be overcome with therapy if both partners are . The offers that appear in this table are from partnerships from which Verywell Mind receives compensation. I am not excusing a mans choice to ask for space. For more information, please see our If a guy asks these 15 questions, he's definitely into you! "Boyfriend, when you constantly ask me if I'm sure, what you're really doing is questioning my agency and it's really getting on my nerves. Sometimes, a man doesnt just suddenly ask for space sometimes, its been a long time coming. Also, I hope that you enjoyed this post. Reddit, Inc. 2023. My parents wanted me to move home while I recover but they expected my boyfriend to handle all our apartment bills by himself. But thats not always the case. My sister constantly asks me if I'm okay Our website is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Its really a test of how much you care about the relationship, or about him, beyond your own needs. QUIZ TIME: Are you truly living in your feminine energy? Or maybe they expect you to fall in line with their. I don't know how long you and your bf have been together, and whether you're in the kind of territory where you have dorky habits you wouldn't dream of telling anyone else, but I wonder if there's a different way to convey whatever he is looking for out of the "are you ok?" They weren't even willing to support him while I can't work at all. 3. The hurt is not bigger than you. When he's asking you if your relationship is "OK" he may really be asking if you're trustworthy or if you think he is. How to Ask if Everything Is OK When It's Clearly Not This doesnt make neediness right. Signs He Intends to Marry You I think asking if he's okay back might help reduce the frequency, especially if they come in batches. But he gets angry when I do so. But all they will do is try to take me away from my boyfriend under the guise they want me to heal (mild heart attack). I want to sort of vent and also get advice. I expect my partner to understand me without my having to explain myself. I will ask him two or three times in a row just to make sure because I care about him. Stop asking me if I'm okay. OCD reassurance-seeking is a compulsive act done in hopes of reducing the anxiety associated with an obsession. He told me calmly that he needs some space and I didnt know what to do. Simple neediness because you became scared to lose a man, is a simple problem that can be worked through; and that is what I am here for. The role of reassurance seeking in obsessive compulsive disorder: the associations between reassurance seeking, dysfunctional beliefs, negative emotions, and obsessive- compulsive symptoms. It sounds like you live together, so that sucks, but if you're this miserable and he's not changing, it might be time for a change. Here's what to say when a man asks if he can borrow money: "I think the world of you and I'm happy in our relationship, but I just can't afford to lend you money. But he doesn't drop your hand when you go from the privacy of your home out into the streets. But make sure that youre doing it truly because you believe and know in your heart that this man intends the worst for you. Nothing wrong with power tripsexcept for one important thing: It doesnt make a relationship intimate, it doesnt make it close, you dont get that warm feeling that someone has your back because its always about what Im getting.. Archived post. Everything else Im suggesting to you here makes up for the whole package of showing up high value when he wants space. You know what? Displays of "loving" jealousy. The best thing you can do is take the high road. CLICK HERE to download this special report. I dont suggest that you make your relationship about evening the playing ground I aim to help you connect with a man. I mean, how is he doing? 13 Things You Should Never be Afraid to Tell Your Boyfriend - Bolde It is the most aggravating thing and just gets under my skin to constantly every five minutes be asked if Im okay if I have already said yes to the last 5 times that he has asked. I dont know how to approach it, because I have asked him to stop but he still does it. Its enough to make many women feel her stomach suddenly drop 1,000 miles through the floor. Much better than reacting in fear and just retaliating against a man who didnt intend to hurt you, right? I freaked out. But add them up, and they can become a big deal. My [24/f] boyfriend [30/m] is constantly asking me to work out and it's slowly ruining my confidence. Let me explain. And heres is an amazing article on The 5 Things Every Woman Ought to Know About Men. What type of person needs constant reassurance? What is really happening when a man tells you he needs space? A type of therapy known as exposure and response prevention can help treat excessive OCD reassurance-seeking. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. If he doesn't want to stop it, you're a bad match. Horrible things do happen but they are not bigger than you. I get it. So why shouldnt we act as if he is behaving badly? Your boyfriend's self-image -- how he sees himself -- directly influences his self-esteem or confidence. It is validation for what you are feeling. DH always asks me if I'm okay, to the point that it's annoying. This is a human problem. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. Our primitive brain acts like hes about to do the worlds worst thing. But he will ask if I'm ok at least 10 times an hour. I find when I'm in a weird mood of any kind, I ask about people's mood more because I know I'm less good at reading people like that; generally this ends in a "I'm feeling off but I think I just need to do [x] for a while, I'll let you know if there's anything you can do." It helps your relationship progress, and it allows you to continue on as a high value woman. CLICK HERE to find out with my specially crafted 9 Question Quiz! ", Very often this kind of behavior comes from people's relationship with their parents. Doing this will keep him interested and you on his mind. You started dating a guy and then asked if he's on Facebook. They can then agree to pull out the card and read it whenever they would otherwise directly ask someone for the answer. Dr. Ukuku suggests keeping . Or put his online dating profile up again and find someone new to chase. 1) "Do you like spending time alone or with others?". Archived post. He's like this constantly and I said to him, "Next time you're doing something I'll ask if you need help, and if you say no I'll keep asking if you're sure."

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