After break, I waled by her place again. By seeing how others behave, will give us a lot of lessons to improve themselves in order to become more mature and are not easily offended. But it doesnt necessarily make them right either. when retarded or handicapped people dont want to hear jokes about their natural state of beingness? EVERYONE has them, are you going to make sure that YOU do not say or do anything that would offend their past wounds? In order to save yourself any extra stress, wait for the right time to have a mature discussion. rogercarter180.com recently posted rogercarter180.com. Look through the list and try the ones that feel best to you first. Sometimes even the littlest thing will do it. But for men it does not work. Let the talk continue to its natural end. Most dont. His culture also jokes around a lot and says certain things I would normally consider rude if someone from the US said it to me). If your partner gets mad when you talk about your feelings there may be a problem worth exploring. I wonder how many people feel the way you do. Its emotional immaturity to demand the right to feel what they feel if those feelings are damaging spouses and children and making life a living @#! "Take the last. But whatever you do, just remember to have fun. If, on the other hand, the scenario I just described is NOT you, then what are you talking about? But I dont think they can do it nearly as well as if they felt better. Were all in our own rooms doing our own thing. Law tells us. If it doesnt I brush it off and keep moving forward. You can slowly (and I mean REAL slowly) teach them by word and deed that there are better ways of responding to lifes challenges, but ultimately (and this is what this post is about) the only person you have much influence over is you. But that in no way means that I would stand for abuse of any kind for any reason. 1) The honeymoon phase is over. Do others feel they have to walk on eggshells around you? Safe to say, I have taken hits and I have thrown hits as well but I am human not free from making mistakes. Do you have a screw them attitude? What a dilemma. should we just subscribe to the dont be so sensitive attitude when muslims get offended when non-muslims want to make jokes about terrorism in front of them? Change who you are in order to find love, success and joy. What do I do with a friend who gets offended at everything? - Quora Sure, we can spend years going into the past, peeling away the layers of pain and figure out how we feel about mom and dad and all that. in my experience, it is precisely the scenarios that i mentioned that are typically called into question by those doing the offending. So well see how it goes. What if it was from a hate group like the KKK, the NBP or the Nazis? Thank you so much for adding that insight to the post! Maybe the language was clumsy, maybe even ill-advised, but assume a good heart. Its kinda funny how we tend to attribute to ourselves the highest and most noble of motives and the worst in others. Great challenge, pradeep. Oftentimes, taking offense is a choice. Are You a Target of Blame for a Borderline Personality? Because some have fooled others into thinking they were happy, dont throw the concept of happiness out the window. The critique is a reflection of the critic, not me or my work. Im KANYE MAUEL FROM GHANA, Hi Ken! For example, a teacher says you are an idiot. When They're So Easily Offended - Medium Having love and compassion for yourself makes it easier not to take things so personally. Besides, theyre entitled to their opinion. If you still cannot afford that, you should contact an attorney who may be able to file a motion to reduce the bond. You add a wonderful level of depth to the topic. Accept the difficulty of a situation, but not its permanence.. If you expect others to act and speak a certain way, or assume others will be as kind or compassionate as you, if youre offended when they dont rise to the level of your expectation, you will almost always be offended or on the verge of it. Letting real or perceived offenses go takes a degree of maturity too many people dont have. Resist the inclination to take your own shortcomings or idiosyncrasies too seriously. Stop Being Offended Today: 3 Cures for Everything That - Lifehack By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. I immediately recognized it for what it was and will now distance myself from this person. ), [] the idea and ignore the clumsiness of the expression See more at: http://meanttobehappy.com/10-ways-you-too-can-stop-being-so-easily-offended/#sthash.YGS2z0sm.dpuf Hear the idea and ignore the clumsiness of the expression See more at: []. Theres a drop-down menu on the About tab on my site. Do we have free will? Why does my boyfriend get so easily upset with me? Should I end things Psychology Today: Health, Help, Happiness + Find a Therapist ( our 4 hour breakup was his idea!) I am striving for self-improvement, growth, maturity, grate-fullness and self-awareness. I wanted you to know I linked to it in a blog post here: https://thepixiedust.com/2018/03/21/finding-inner-peace-on-world-inner-peace-day-three-lessons-from-the-untethered-soul. My clarification was needed. This is a great article, thank you. I was stunned. I also know hes the type to avoid confrontations/drama so it wasnt likely hed be approaching me to resolve things. Then you can freshly look at every situation, statement or comment. So true about recognizing that offenses can come from a place of insecurity in the offending person as a way to pull others down to feel better about themselves and their own dissatisfying lives can certainly make dismissing their offenses easier. Then we had a very heartfelt conversation where I explained to him that when he speaks impatiently and brusquely to me I feel he doesnt respect me. In fact they had abused him severely. But total rejection is just as self-defeating. Wow, Ken. ONLY changing ones behavior and mindset will do ANYTHING about long-term improvement. They mean well in trying to help and I just have to let it be so. Total comportment is not what I would ever urge on anyone. Need help with your relationship? If it does I take it in and decide what direction I want to go with the information. The Its-All-About-Me mentality is fertile soil for being frequently offended. Where self-esteem is a more general view of oneself, confidence, like you said, is activity or characteristic-specific. I asked him if I can use my car because I had to do an errand during his break. Hi very well said. Why create me so I live a tortured life? Make me faster, coach, but make me faster by helping me do the same thing Ive always done!. Life evolves. Consistent abuse in childhood can set in motion a pattern of bad choices because you dont believe you deserve any better, which in turn causes anger and depression (which is really anger about things you feel you have no control over. She gets involved with my matter, even when I say something to her and tell her to keep it under her belt, but she goes the opposite and tells that person that had been involved in upsetting me directly or indirectly. You are not emotionally attached to your position. For more information, please see our People who are internally fragile no matter how tough their exterior break most easily at the wrong or misplaced word or deed. Without the role/job I feel my emotions tumble easily, now. In the heat of the moment, try asking yourself these questions: "What am I getting so bent out of shape for? Thanks for the idea. No matter what type of person they are, this can give us a critical look into ourselves from a different perspective, even though we are still the ones doing the thinking. 3 Reply. sherill recently posted Why Thanksgiving Is My Favorite Holiday, [] if you know the difficult person is just having a bad day, put yourself in their shoes and think of some small thing you can do for them that might turn their mood [], Great Article! 6 months ago. Put yourself on the shoes of the other So as I said, part of me figured well maybe they never liked me. Shes always right and will never give in, so we just give in and move on. etc. This will become the new norm shortly, if it hasnt already since you first commented. 28 Lizard_Li 2 yr. ago Yeah I get the conundrum. Instead, allow people to be human. My article should not be misconstrued as an endorsement of either abuse or support of the idea that the abused should just grin and bear it. Learning to laugh at ourselves, like you said, not taking ourselves seriously, is so critical to learning to let thinks slide off our backs. Privacy Policy. I dont believe people are good. My name is Guy Buncombe. 6. If your man is too quick to feel offended then it's a sign of insecurity. when women want to speak out about their right not to hear people making jokes about rape? What's the big deal?" Reason with yourself: "Did he really mean it the way I was just about to take it? Just be. Abuse is immoral. Thank you for sharing. Ive learnt that there is energy associated with what we say and what we do. If you want to play the guitar you have to change your behavior by practicing, learning, growing until you can call yourself a musician. Tags: Anger, Empathy, Happiness, Humility, Imperfection, Motives, Offense, Selfishness, Truth. So if most of my early life was being isolated and alone, it ingrains in my brain that maybe Im not likable nor good enough since even my own family doesnt pay much attention to me. You simply want to know the truth, even if you are never the place it originates. *% in everyday conversation? I thought it over in view of Kens article and realized I didnt really need to take offence at the comment but rather consider it a hang-up of his and accept that. Sir I honestly have never come across an experienced and all round highly matured mentor like you! So much wisdom in your comment, Mia. Great list of tips here, Ken! I sometimes resent him for creating me. I know its much easier for me to tell you to stop taking things so personally than it is to actually stop taking things so personally. I think if I were to write the post over again, I would include the importance of developing a good sense of humor. For the first, the only real way to improve is, of course, get better. 3: She is really all about being self-sufficient and can't accept help from anyone. Just be sure you are continually working on yourself too. Thank you, Ken. Most of what I suggest are ways to change how we perceive things and therefore change (not repress) how we feel about them. The average person? This would be a better article if we can find a balance between it all. Let the world give you happiness even though you do nothing to produce it. This can be really bad especially if the other person is trying to move past that and change their ways. In the end I felt bad for him, because he didnt and could stop himself, because he was too big to take offense. But rudeness is rudeness. You only hunger after truth. Release! This will make it is more difficult to come in a win/win situation together. We dont say, Oh, cigarettes are bad for me? Otherwise if I cannot change to the circumstances (by speaking out) how can I expect others to (understand). I respect him dearly for it, but it makes it more difficult on my end to learn how to step back and take a second before lashing out and getting offended by something even if my feelings were never to be intentionally hurt. Some have to work a little harder at solving this problem, but anything is possible when we decide to change a habit or behavior. I dont understand what you mean when he acts like this and you still describe him as loving and tender? i am just not sure if it is meant for people who are not 1 dimensional (not a sarcastic statement, but a heartfelt one). Im not judging anyone as hyper sensitive. N o one typing How can I stay the way I am in Google will ever be led to my site. So simply reframe it. I get judged by the way I dress and everything. I am grateful. That, to me, is a very pitiable and sad life. Having that insight turned everything around for me. [] 10 Ways You Can Stop Being So EASILY Offended []. What changes in the way I think can I make in regards to any possible future incidents like this? If youre expecting, this is a great time to decorate []. Every word out of every mouth, every action or inaction, all that is done or undone, all motives and intentions become a reflection on you. I obviously need to find my core/footing/place without ruining any important relationships with any over-sensitivity displays. I asshamed of who I am. If someone else is easily offended by things, we have to make sure were not getting easily offended at their offense, or we all end up in the same emotionally rocky boat, frantically paddling and getting nowhere. But my article is about not being easily offended. What To Do If Your Partner Is Super Defensive - Bustle It kind of reminds me of what parents, teachers, etc. Many people have grown up getting angry easily. I appreciate the share. Thank you so much for making me clarify. So accept yourself deep inside. var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(li, s); Everyone has a moral standard and are entitled to have their own standard. I generally dont react to what someone says unless it is so egregious that I have to say something. I think your way of handling your offense is about perfect. rather, they are calling the people in their lives to be more conscious of how they interact something that is infinitely more useful than telling people to simply not be offended. hi Ken i appreciate the response. If not, would love to hear where you think my thinking is off target. perhaps they are doing gods work too and it is not up to those of us who are uncomfortable with what they are doing to tell them that it is not right. 5. But figuring out where that line should be drawn can be tricky. Never get to the point where you say, Okay, the work is done. Your own internal work will keep you loving life and feeling good about yourself and your own personal growth. Its about finding resilience and not allowing others thoughts to rule your current state of mind. I have turned potentially explosive conversations around, by choosing to respond positively instead of returning negative for negative. One thing they did was to create a way of looking at the world, ourselves and other. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Thanks for sharing this. Promise not to go so long before I reply back! It doesnt necessarily mean that I accept or uncritically admire their perspective. You could hardly be anywhere else, given circumstances, after all. Become self-accepting. I truly hope everything works out for all parties. I always love reading your comments. A few examples: I pulled into a handicapped spot so I could turn around, and my wife said in a snarky tone: "you know you can't park here" so I responded in a snarky tone "I know" and she got mad at me for . Reflecting on the validity of what others say instead of the tone or perceived intentions of the person saying them or the words used to express the content the words convey takes maturity and a lot of that self-love and self-compassion you refer to. My boyfriend gets very offended over things and I have no idea why. the way toward world peace is for everyone to stop fighting). Can we start with a good thing and tarnish it? Keep up the great work you do on your blog. Most of our sense of self stems from childhood, from parents who did too much of one thing or too little of another. He Gets Defensive When I Tell Him How I Feel (5 BETTER WAYS TO HANDLE IT) I think in this day in age, your advice is not relevant to this generation of people. This way, less in life will offend you and happiness will be much less fleeting too. Do you watch the show Modern Family? And weakness is never a place from which happiness grows. This self-acceptance will de-claw others ability to offend you. Also look for some meme websites about your sensitivity. "People who are. January 20, 2011 There are some questions about men that only a guy can answer. And again, its often times on the internet. Your comment actually makes me sad more than anything. Friends tell us. Prison, by the way, is filled with people who refuse to comport to society. What kind of slang, Chayan? This is not to say that their emotional state is necessarily a sin. Any advice? And it has nothing to do with the west. Since when another person is disgruntled with you, you're likely to feel rather upset yourself, lower your shoulders, slow down your breathing, and do anything else that will. So many times he held the door wide open and said I should leave him because he wasnt capable of giving me what I needed and he was too cold and hard. Symptoms may include: hurt feelings, indignation, irritability, disappointment, grumpiness and an all-around allergic reaction to anyone who says or does something we don't like. Im having a lot of problems in my relationship because my partner is very straight talking and at times critical and sharp. Thank you for this wonderful list. It perpetuates the simmering just under the surface feelings of inadequacy, shame and dread. I really thankful for such a clear yet simple tips here It's Not about You. You can find an inner stable core that does not depend on how another talks to you to feel good about yourself while demanding decency. Im definitely working on just taking things for what they are and not taking things so personally. I wont use my blinker, cause it is too much trouble, I wont let you go first, cause I am in a hurry. Wonderful observations on your part! Thank you so much for this article. By doing so, you will realize there is no reason for you feeling offended. This is both on a conscious and unconscious level. Cant comment anywhere else, so sorry to steal your particular thread. After reading your article tonight, it really put things into a new perspective and I decided to not be offended but maybe consider that they had a reason for saying what they did even if I dont agree or understand it.

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