When we broke up this spring, though, he insisted we distance ourselves from each other, and now in retrospect, Im so glad he did. I had never felt beautiful or the perfect size, but to him, he made me feel good. He basically told me that my opinion is stupid and he wont not do it around me just because I feel that way. Learn how to draw healthy boundaries in your relationship. I love him very much. Me: NONE, because now I KNOW youre an addict. When his friends joked about me never finding out that my boyfriend was stoned whenever he visited me, it hurt me really bad. My kids leave for their dads every weekend. Yesterday, after five years, I found out that hes using again. All rights reserved. I started to forget about it but when summer began, my friend showed me a video of her smoking it the first time. Does he not realise that I'm doing this for him, and that I only told him how I felt tonight? Its totally against everything I know and I simply cannot cope with it. He also tells me im filled with the anti-drug propaganda, but its not as if I avoid such people in my life. She would sit out in the garage, and get stoned daily. What the heck am I going to do? It may not be the way you run your life, but, hey, its someone elses house and you have to respect that. We avoided talking this topic, because we did not want to fight. I was hoping that everything might change when he comes home. I have been in my relationship for 6 years now, 1year living together. So, Ariel, my advise to you, RUN! Husband Drinks Too Much [3 Secrets to Sober Him Up] We have a true friendship and were inseparable last summer before I went away to my first year of college. I am trying to find a compromise that I am truly okay with, but in all honesty I think smoking is disgusting and it saddens me to think of him doing it. It was love at first sight. I know hes just a human, but everytime I picture him smoking it breaks my heart and makes the image I had once before of him, become stained. He smokes cigarettes too and I have shared concerns as well. I have read all of the comments you had to offer looking for some glimmer of hope, but its all the same. At first i didnt care. Focus on the Positive. It would make me SO upset. It will never work out and it will only get worse. I don't really drink much, or more accurately, I don't drink a lot. But doesnt come. My boyfriend drinks every weekend with his buddies, and I dont do anything because I dont want to become the nagging girlfriend. 2. I love him so much and other than this- we do have a really good time together. You are not a good match and you never will be. Of course, your husband is the only one who can decide how much he will drink, and how often. Can we have high quality time camping with the children, clamming /snorkeling adventure, traveling overseas? Im so dissapointed. He bought 5 grams of marijuana, would start rolling his first joint at 10AM, and it wouldnt stop until 3AM next day. Funny thing is this issue reared its ugly head because of a comment my bf made on a completely different topic. You share interests, get . Now hes got a relaxed job with a moving company and they all smoke together at work!!!! You're not responsible for his choicesnot at all. So there are no fights about that, just fights that emulate from his actions of smoking the crap. 3. If you think your partner has a problem with cannabis use you need to find out WHY they are escaping, NOT trying to stop them using it.. Because that will never work, they will just resent you and get angry. He used to smoke a lot of weed when he was younger but he quit doing it 2-3 years before he met me. At the time we started dating, I knew she smoked marijuana, because she would smoke when we went to parties. my boyfriend drinks a lot in bars only when i don't go. : r/Vent - Reddit Ive told him to leave but he doesnt. Tanya. Im in the same boat. Symptoms of Alcohol Addiction Among the major symptoms that a person may be addicted to alcohol or suffering from alcoholism are: They are unable to remember what they were doing while drinking. Therein lies the problem. They are just fooling themselves about using. Can you explain to me what it does? I am done. We have both been through a lot of hurt but werent able to work with one another. I dont think he did that to take advantage of me, but instead he wanted to help me. What I really want to say is: r u n. Cannabis is certainly not as bad as some hardcore purists want us to believe. Good thing I made it to my moms house (for a visit) and told her I needed to sleepover. A cigarette has aged my grandparents and they lost years of their lives. I have been living under similar circumstances with my girlfriend who also comes from a family of potheads. He keeps telling me that hes not choosing anything over methat Im the one thats choosing to leave him. To the potheads who have replied to this post: The choice to use weed is yours, as are the repercussions of this choice. At the end of the day, everyone has to decide what we can deal with and what we wont. All day everyday. Almost daily he drinks. I sit beside my husband as he rests his head in his hand, totally stoned. When my girlfriend first told me about her marijuana use, I thought I could deal with it and I did to some extent but when she started smoking it in her home when I visited it made me feel very uncomfortable. Growing up in a home where alcohol use is common, can leave lasting scars. Ive rang him 6 times and he will not answer, his texts say I dont want to answer , people are doing crack and I dont want the jibberish down the phone. Weve had multiple fights on this. Doctors prescribe it for everything because it helps and works ! I have explained that I do not want to force my views on him, but he should not be forcing his beliefs/habits on me. If every deserves to be comfortable in their home why cant we. ! And to that I say, why does any friendship form? But it has simply never been a part of the relationship that the two of us have been cultivating; that is, the drug does not play a role in our day-to-day lives at all. he says he only takes a hit a few times a day, but I know where he stashed his weed and I can see the amount he goes through. Alcoholism can often lead to abusive behavior, and it can be tricky if youre in a relationship with someone addicted to alcohol. My dad had a major stroke, brain-bleed and he almost died but was left with only half of his body functioning. Some people cannot handle it. So my advice is to the young women, if you dont want a partner who requires you to be the sole breadwinner in your 50s and 60s, who no longer can make love even when he has the energy to, who cant be trusted to remember where he leaves his wallet, credit card (not that he remembers the pin) or can work out a quote for a job he has done a dozen times then leave. Again, thats not just your work to do to get to that outcome. Why would he when everything is provided for him. (Doesnt have to be. My case is different than yours but I do not support my husbands use of marijuana. Then hell still try to deny it! Nip it in the but or leave. However, I also believe that you should never have to settle for less or lower your standards to be with someone. Its essential to communicate your feelings and concerns and see if theres a way to reach a mutual understanding. Its just all a bunch of lies and crap. I also feel afraid of telling him this, because I feel like he would once again hide this from me, scared of my reaction. Im not sure if I am better off being single forever because the thought of him smoking even if he has told me has has quit it just never leaves my mind. 1. Protect your children, and don't hesitate to keep them away from someone who drinks and does not respect your boundaries. But his definition of appropriate differs from mine. Im so lost. He was very depressed and using it as an escape. I made one of the hardest decisions and left him because I couldnt keep dealing with someone who smokes weed to bury his depression or try to forget about real life for few mins or hours . He saw and experienced some things at a very young age that I dont know if I could bear to see now. "He Only Hits Me When He Drinks"- Why Alcohol Does Not Cause Domestic IT SAVED MY LIFE.. Of course everyone is different, every relationship is different, advice including mine you can only take with a grain of salt and compare it with your own circumstances. Noble, perhaps, but self-destructive, it would seem. With weed, his personality depends on the high mood scale. Pot , I have observed, has its own special side effects that will be evident in about 20 years time. The addicts will always choose their addiction over their relationships. I think any substance you become needy of and reclutant to let go off its awful. He may be unpredictable, argumentative, and even violent. I had to choose between going with them or moving to my boyfriends place. 2. I just have a strong hatred for pot and people who smoke it. I asked what if we have a baby, would you stop? Reddit, Inc. 2023. I was raised drugs alcohol bad and I still think that but I dont know why?? At 37 years old, I have been dealing with a boyfriend that has smoked weed for 20 years and I cannot take it anymore. I dont have an addictive personality so I dont know what its like. I told him that I was like the usual, that it's still hard to change my feelings, but I don't wanna fight about this because I decided to change. I got drunk with my mates so what was the difference. Why Do I Get So Angry When My Partner Drinks? Ive only lived one third of my life, not planning to live the rest like this. When I moved in with her, she totally quit. He said I should accept him for who he is instead of trying to change him. She would sit in her robe hungover and watch TV, and go to the garage and smoke more weed. For a few months. When I find this out I tell him he is an idiot and should not drive. Friends and some family will drop by periodically and spoke to. My boyfriend argues that I just dont trust him. I compromised with him, we agreed hed grow his own, he only smoked a few hits after work. It really bothered me back then itself. We are both musicians and very connected. He managed to stop smoking for some time and then we broke up after a stressful time and an argument over his usage (he became a bit deceptive and covert about it) and when we got back together he admitted he had restated his usage several months before. I want to be a travel nurse, save money, and buy a beautiful house with my loved one. Here's what you need to know. I feel like I have made steps to give him a compromise he doesnt have to give it up, but it just wont be something that will be participated in at home. I try to remove myself as much as possible from the second hand smoke. The end of this story is we got divorced after 14 terrible years of marriage, and I lost everything financially I worked for. I know I have a problem, I have lost any confidence in my ability to exercise discretion in my habits and it makes me scared to death that I will never regain control. You already have had hundreds of responses here. He doesnt remember who he slept with. That is only a small part of the story. My dad was an alcoholic and I saw how exuberant and fun he could be, but I also know how violent, emotionally detached and unfaithful he was to my mother because of his addiction. Towards the end he was angry and pulled away, not even the same person. We started fighting, I almost convinced myself of leaving, but apart his weed use, I really liked him and felt like I should not give up. 2 years ago I decided I had to make a change or I was going to kill myself with drinking 2-3ltrs of vodka a week and my Christian father who not in 30 years had I ever seen him drink or take drugs suggested I try cannabis. Maybe you want him to tell you every time he sees her, or maybe you decide its better to not hear about it. I was completely baffled and sad or this but I couldnt let out my feelings because friends were with us too. Well no but surely he can see that its affecting us but has made it clear it wont change. He then huffs and puffs about it until he passes out. ! Im watching these constant mood swings, one minute hes rubbing my back and telling me Im beautiful and how much he loves me, the next hes yelling and angry at anything. Bawling reading this. They never go out and not drink something, I genuinely don't think I've ever hung out with them and they weren't drinking some kind of alcohol. We have been apart for over 40 years and he still spoke periodically. Are there any good websites I can learn from ? I read journals and papers on addiction, recreational use, drug benefits and long-term effects. I didnt wanna talk to her about it, bc she feels bad and hates herself bc of how much pain this situation has brought me. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. And our marriage was better. How do I get him to pack & leave? I know, shame on me for not leaving his ass after all he put me through, but somehow we still find love even in our abusers, plus I put all my eggs in one basket so financially, I depend on him. She was buying bags of weed for $400 that would last her a month. I was going to a soccer game the day that the friend was gonna go smoke it, and my girl promised me she wouldnt do it. Its just sad that substance abuse took over his life and he risked the amazing relationship that we had, just to get stoned. It lowers their inhibitions and quiets that little voice in their head that would usually tell them that whatever theyre about to do is wrong. I wonder if inside he resents me? Its something that seven years down the line you will appreciate. My partner and I support eachother so perfectly, and compliment eachother so frequently. Hed throw fits which over time caused me severe anxiety. People have different visions and dreams. My friends also see that this is a problem and I just feel embarrassed to go out with him in public or around my friends. This is difficult for the women because they need to constantly build up their mens self-esteem whilst feeling unloved and undesirable themselves. In addition, we discuss ways to handle communication, support systems, and resources that can help you through this difficult time. Planning a life with your soulmate and all gone due to drugs .. It sounds like you have a deeply entrenched world view on pot and so does he. He infact used to judge people who used to smoke cigarettes. I feel so hurt. He has been a chronic pot smoker for 40 years. I am so scared to lose her. Its tough because if Id known early on it mightve been easy to say goodbye, but since time had passed and wed spent a lot of time together, we fell for each other, and that attachment makes things harder to say goodbye when I normally would have. SAN DIEGO A California man is suspected in a string of sex worker slayings in Mexico, the top prosecutor in Baja California said Friday. If you find that your drinking is starting to interfere with your life, its essential to seek help. like later that day he started begging, he realized his mistake he was so sorry he was begging me to come back. The terpenes and thousands of natural flavour profiles you can experience is unmatched, do your research into Cannabis. Even when you have kids its time to have that discussion now and figure it out before its too late. We see eachother on a schedule of his Wednesday night Nd sat night.. if im busy or need to change it to thursday instead he freaks out cos its change. There are plenty of other guys in the world who dont use pot, drugs, etc., who want success, a happy marriage and children and would most certainly put you first above all else. Its not unusual for people to become more emotional when drunk. Back in the city about 3 months later my anxiety started acting up again and again he offered to quit to help lessen that, so he did. A month later I come he for holiday and while with a group of friends he steps out to light one up, I was sick to my stomach. Because of a traumatic event in his past, his efforts in getting his drivers license were postponed and to this day he still does not have it nor a car.

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